The eternal quest for a single tracking benchmark for international travelers may finally be at hand as Frito-Lay has announced that their R&D department will introduce a microscopic GPS “chip-in-a chip” that can be embedded in a grain of salt contained in specially packages of prepared peanuts, potato chips, pretzels and other snack foods served on all international flights arriving in the United States. The chip will be able to immediately track the destinations visited by inbound travelers. For U.S. travel industry suppliers, the tasty chips–they are programmed to have a life of two years (the length of an ESTA authorization)—will be able to provide a fairly accurate tracking mechanism as they will be programmed to recognize the traveler’s identity by cross-referencing their airline seat number with the ESTA authorization data. At its start, the chip-driven information collection program will apply only to travelers from the 38 countries in the U.S. Visa Waiver Program, plus China.

(Remember, this “news” is published in the spirit of April Fools Day 2016, which is today.)

Even though Brand USA is allowed to spend $200 million annually—with funds coming from private sector contributions and proceeds of a $10-per-visitor fee charged to travelers to the U.S. from Visa Waiver nations—Brand USA is broke. A large staff, high rents, slow and costly response times, high  fees charged by its ad and research agencies and a recently discovered accounting error resulting from a misplaced decimal point in the agency’s latest quarterly financial report, has prompted an ad hoc committee of travel and tourism industry experts to develop a program of quick-cash fundraising events.

So far, the Unbound Report has learned, the Top Four promising list of projects, to be launched formally in June includes:

1. Nationwide bake sale during National Travel and Tourism Week.
2. Car Washes outside IMAX movie theatres screening the “National Park Adventure.”
3. Visit USA Committee-sponsored bingo games in the more than 30 countries that have Visit USA Committees;
4. A Brand USA Volunteer Brigade that will raise cash by staffing kettles and ringing bells outside major USA gateway airports; and an a fundraising telethon over the Independence Holiday Weekend led by Rosanne Cash and LL Cool J.

(Remember, this “news” is published in the spirit of April Fools Day 2016, which is today.)

In an effort to stem the flow of buyers from the Wednesday luncheon and allow some chickens, cows, pigs and fish to roam or swim another day, IPW has decided to make its luncheon on June 22 in New Orleans a vegan extravaganza. As part of this year’s theme “New Age Travel,”  the menu will be sure to have those rogue operators from the UK, who always duck out to have lunch at an undisclosed bar location with their friends, salivating.

Among the dishes the all-you-can-eat buffet will offer are: Raw Kelp Noodles with Organic Kale Chips, Grilled Buffalo Po’Boy Tofu with Apple Cole Slaw capped with Quinoa Chocolate Chip cookies.  Additional stations include; Roots to Toot About, The Grain Falls Mainly on the plain in Spain and more. And to limit buyer defections this year, IPW officials will lock the exit doors from the outside and install porto-potties at the back of the room for those who need to heed the call of nature.

(Remember, this “news” is published in the spirit of April Fools Day 2016, which is today.)

In order to conserve energy in the heat of the day in mid-June, the New Orleans Convention Center has announced that they will turn off the air-conditioning during IPW from 2 to 4 PM on Tuesday (June 21) following the show’s luncheon. In lieu of the normal 5K morning fun run/walk, IPW officials have found a silver lining, positioning the two hour interregnum as an industry-wide Bikram Yoga (a.k.a. Hot Yoga)  session: “Bikram Yoga is ideally practiced in a room heated to 104-110 °F, with a humidity of at least 40 percent,” said Malcolm Smith, general manager of IPW, adding, “Operators are always asking attendees to be more flexible. Now, they just might get their wish.”

 

(Remember, this “news” is published in the spirit of April Fools Day 2016, which is today.)

A coalition of LGBT travel groups has announced that it will lead a travel and tourism industry effort to determine why there are so few straight men in the industry and to make recommendations to reverse a decades-long trend in which the percentage of straight males working in travel and tourism has gone from majority to minority—by some accounts only 15 to 20 percent of adult males in the industry are straight.

“The situation presents a challenge to an industry that has always committed itself to diversity in its labor force—from entry level to senior management,” said a spokesperson for the group. “And now we find ourselves with far too few straight males. We run the risk of losing the insights and contributions they can make in the packaging, promotion and delivery of the travel experience.”

No one who the Unbound Report spoke to was specific as to why there has been a decline in the percentage of straight males working in the travel and tourism, although several authoritative sources suggested that the current situation is the failure of straights to maintain a sharp appearance for both retail travel customer and B2B markets. “People just don’t want to buy from unpleasant looking, out-of-shape males who never dress well, don’t know about the importance of having a nice tan and don’t know how to decorate a booth at a trade show,” one source said.

The coalition spokesperson said that the group will first start a recruitment and mentoring program that, in addition to teaching traditional sales, marketing and retail skills, will stress the importance of proper dress, appearance and partying skills.

(Remember, this “news” is published in the spirit of April Fools Day 2016, which is today.)